Happy Happy Birthday
by Hopeless27
Summary: It's Atobe's birthday and he receives some very questionable presents from his teammates. Hopefully, it doesn't move... or explode for that matter.  Atobe birthday fic. Atoji, Dirty Pair. Humour with a tinge of fluff.


**Rated:**** K+**

**Summary****: Atobe's birthday at school, fluffy humour.**

**Pairings:****Atoji and Dirty**

**Category: ****humour/romance**

**Characters:**** Hyoutei**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own pot.**

* * *

_This is my list of stupid Hyoutei drabbles…._

_**Hyotei Phobia**_

_**Hyotei Library Session**_

_**Bets and Lovers**_

_**Book of Stupidity**_

_**Fights and Idiots**_

_**Switching Places**_

_**Book of Stupidity 2**_

_**Melting Ice**_

_**Lost in Tennis**_

_**Of Cameras and Attention**_

_**Street Tennis**_

_**Ore-sama's journal**_

_**Advice from Jirou**_

_**The Park and the Church**_

_**The Accident**_

_**Unhappy Information**_

_**Hospital Food**_

_**Help from Jirou**_

_**Reconcile and Resolve**_

_**Atobeism**_

_**Getting Out**_

_**Catching up aka BOS3**_

_**Daycare and Librarians**_

_**Special Buchou**_

_**Sesame Street**_

_**Necrophilia and Llamas**_

_**Ranking and Stalking**_

_**We really ARE straight.**_

_**BoS4 At the Movies**_

* * *

When Atobe woke up that morning, he found a note at the side of his bed saying Kabaji will not be at school today due to a sickness, beside the note was a present for Atobe. Atobe groaned, it was his own birthday and he had no one to keep the fangirls at bay.

He did cheer up slightly however, when he looked outside and saw a brand new car waiting for him, no doubt from his parents. They probably couldn't make it to his birthday, again.

On the way to school (in his brand new car), he had already received a handful of text messages and emails on his cell phone from various fangirls who had bypassed his spam blocking system. Smiling a little to himself, he deleted the messages: there would be more to come.

When he got to school, a red carpet rolled out for him at the front entrance and along the sides, fangirls squealed. He got out of the limo and snapped his fingers as the shouting died down to an eerie quiet.

"Ore-sama no bigi ni yoina!"

"ATOBE-SAMA!!!" The shouting erupted again.

Atobe entered the school to find his locker but found that a whole wall near his locker was painted with a mural of Atobe sitting in his student council chair (throne), holding a rose.

"We hired three Parisian artists to do this, we hope you like it." The leader of the Atobe fan club told him.

Atobe smiled perfectly, "of course."

At his locker, he found his team-mates talking amongst themselves.

"What are you doing at my locker, a-an?"

"We're here to watch you get buried with presents and love letters."

"…Nice of you…"

"So…?" Mukahi demanded, "Open your locker!"

Reluctantly, Atobe opened his lock and out burst many presents and a thousand or so love letters, covering the floor with glitter and hearts.

"Too much…"

"That's even more than Valentine's Day!" Mukahi declared.

"Slightly less than last years Christmas though," Shishido pointed out.

"Go eat yourselves." Atobe grumbled, wishing Kabaji was here to pick up the presents.

Instead, Atobe turned to an unobtrusive freshman walking along, "You there!"

"Me…?" The freshman looked honoured.

"Pick up those presents for me."

"Of course, Atobe-sama!"

"Thank you, now take some chocolates for yourself and bring the rest into the tennis clubroom."

"Yes, Atobe-sama!" The freshman hurried to do as he was ordered.

"Atobe, you're not bringing that much crap into the clubroom… god knows there may be more in there already." Oshitari warned Atobe.

"Sakaki-sense can take care of those."

All through the classes, people kept on wishing Atobe a happy birthday and giving him chocolates so that by lunch, he was full on chocolates.

"Here Mukahi, eat!" Atobe dumped some chocolates on the cafeteria table, not even bothering to glance at the buffet. (Which consisted of a lobster brought in by the lunch lady for Atobe's birthday.)

"Yay, chocolates!" Mukahi dug into the chocolates. "Fappy fmrithday, Afobe." (Happy birthday, Atobe)

"Happy birthday, Atobe-buchou."

"Yeah," Oshitari said, "Happy birthday."

"Ditto." Shishido mumbled.

"What they said," Taki supplied.

"By the way, has anyone seen Jirou-senpai?" Ohtori asked.

"He was in the classes, where did he go?" Taki said, helping himself to chocolates.

"He said he had to finish up something…" Oshitari said, reading the love letters, "Atobe, this one is cute, mind if I keep it?"

"What does it say?"

"I like you a lot, Atobe-sama, I think about you everyday and I watch you from the corner of my eyes. I get jealous of the fangirls who have the courage to talk to you because I can't. I want to kiss your tiny little lips, and hug your tiny little body, and …"

"OKAY STOP!" Atobe shouted as Mukahi spat out his lunch laughing, Taki's orange juice came out of his nose and Shishido clutched his stomach… "That is disturbing."

"I think it's cute."

"In a stalkerish kind of way you mean." Taki said, flipping his hair.

Atobe shuddered as Oshitari went on to read another one.

"Hey, this one is from that girl that keeps on hinting that she'd like a date."

Atobe paled at the thought, "spare me."

"Oh look, Jirou-senpai and Hiyoshi-kun." Ohtori said, interrupted Mukahi's girly giggle.

"Kei-channnn!" Jirou kissed Atobe's cheek, "Happy birthday!"

"Happy birthday buchou." Hiyoshi said to Atobe.

"Thanks." Atobe nodded to Hiyoshi as Jirou settled in Atobe's lap.

"Now that everyone, save Kabaji, is here…" Atobe started, "Where are my presents?"

"I'm going to give you my present after practise!" Jirou declared, clinging on to Atobe.

Oshitari reached in his bag and pulled out a small, unidentified package. "Open it at home."

Atobe gently poked the present a couple of times before accepting it, giving Oshitari a suspicious look.

"It's not a bomb…"

"I wouldn't put that past you."

Hiyoshi took out a bottle of shampoo with a scribbled note that read "gekokujou" and shoved it towards Atobe with only one word, "French…"

Taki, complaining about how everyone's birthdays were in September or October, gave Atobe a hairbrush with a mirror attached (for the boring History lectures, says he).

Shishido threw a gift card to Atobe's favourite restaurant after grumbling about how spoiled Atobe was. Atobe just grinned and pocketed the gift card.

"Stingy."

"Ore-sama is not stingy."

"Here Atobe-buchou, I got you a ticket to _Die __Zauberflöte_in it's original language." Ohtori handed Atobe a box one ticket to the best (and oldest) opera house in Tokyo.

Atobe smirked at the gift, _Die Zauberflöte_ was, of course, one of his favourites and Mozart's masterpiece.

"Oh, a piece of music will win you over huh?" Mukahi rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you're trying to molest Ohtori now."

"What about _you_? Where is ore-sama's present?" Atobe demanded.

"BYE!" Mukahi got up and started towards the door only to be caught by Shishido's unrelenting grasp. "LET GO!" Mukahi hissed.

"What about your present, _Gakuto_?" Shishido hissed in a mock sweet tone, effortlessly holding Mukahi in place.

"None of your business, _Ryou_,_" _Mukahi hissed back the same way, only to realize everyone was staring at him expectantly. "Yes, the present… oh… uh… well you see, about that" –A nervous laugh-"… The store ran out of business…"

"Why didn't you go to another store?" Shishido demanded.

"They all ran out of business!" Mukahi said in his a-little-too-fast-for-comfort voice.

"eBay?" Taki suggested.

"…It… ran out of business too!"

"eBay ran out of business…a-an?" Atobe raised one haughty eyebrow, "How regrettable."

"Yeah… isn't it…?" Mukahi twitched, "So too bad…"

"Well… when are they going to open again…?" Hiyoshi asked.

"Uh… well, tomorrow! When you're going shopping!" Mukahi said, "see, that's why I couldn't get you a present, I was out there busy trying to get the shops to re-open so I can get a present for you when they do!"

They really didn't know whether to laugh or slap Mukahi for being dumb, in the end, they did both. Atobe laughed, Jirou giggled, Oshitari smirked, Ohtori smiled, Shishido punched Mukahi and Taki slapped him.

"…Leave me alone… stop mocking me!"

"You're a disgrace unto yourself," Taki mocked.

Mukahi sat down and pouted, "well… It's the truth!"

"If you're going to make up an excuse, at least make it believable!"

"What was I supposed to say? My dog ate it?"

"That's even worse considering, one, your mom is allergic to dogs, therefore you cannot have a dog and two, that is the oldest excuse in the book."

"You know what, I don't have to listen to this! I'm leaving to go hang with … my… people!"

"Your people? You mean that squirrel in that tree that you always talk about?"

Mukahi paused, "no…" and ran away.

The group contemplated on following Mukahi and laughing at him for a moment, then decided they had better things to do with their lives and continued talking amongst themselves.

-

After practise, Atobe was lead into the clubhouse excitedly by Jirou, saying how his present was ready. Atobe had no choice but to let Jirou drag him wherever Jirou's heart desires. To his surprise, Jirou took out a piece of paper and climbed on the pool table in the clubhouse.

"Oi Jirou, get down," Shishido called.

"Go away, I'm giving Kei-chan my present."

"What is it, Jirou-senpai?" Ohtori asked.

"Fifty five things I like best about Kei-chan!" Jirou read out loud. "Number fifty-five, the way Kei-chan prefers cocoa puffs to oatmeal even though he would never admit it…"

"…Jirou…"

"Number fifty-four, the way Kei-chan stares at himself in the mirror."

Shishido and Mukahi started laughing.

"Jirou!"

"Number fifty-three, the way Kei-chan slides down the banister when he thinks no one is watching."

"JIROU!"

Shishido and Mukahi were now laughing so hard they had to use each other's shoulders for support. Oshitari smirked as he dried his hair with his towel and Hiyoshi mumbled "Gekokujou".

"Number fifty-two, the way Kei-chan mumbles in his sleep about how he thinks Mukahi and Ohtori are cute… even though it annoys me sometimes…" Jirou pouted.

The sound of shattering glass stopped everybody in their tracks as they gazed at Oshitari with a sadistic tensai glint in his eye. In his hand held a broken brush he was using to brush his hair and the window behind him was shattered into many pieces.

"ATOBE, don't molest me!" Mukahi pointed at Atobe accusingly.

"Atobe-buchou…" Ohtori blushed.

"JIROU STOP READING THAT LIST!"

"…But Kei-chan, it's your birthday present." Jirou pouted.

"Yes, _Kei-chan,_ your birthday." Mukahi laughed.

"…"

"Number fifty-one, the way Kei-chan stuffs his face with Pocky even though he says they're commoner food…"

"Atobe is a commoner!" Mukahi declared.

"…" Atobe decided not to say anything.

-

"Number thirty-six, the way Kei-chan smiles at rainbows…"

"Yuushi, you ready?" Mukahi asked.

"Yes."

"Let's go get some food."

"Sure." Oshitari and Mukahi walked romantically away into the sunset.

-

"Number twenty-four, the way Kei-chan throws a tantrum over a bad hair day." Jirou smiled crookedly, jumping up and down.

"Coming, Choutarou?"

"Yes, Shishido-san!"

"Wait for me," Taki called.

"Hurry up."

The trio shut the door behind them as they also walked off together… in a slightly less romantic way.

-

One by one, the others drifted away. Inconspicuously because they didn't want Atobe to notice.

"And number one, I love Kei-chan because Kei-chan is just … KEI-CHAN!" Jirou concluded and jumped into Atobe's arms. "I love you, Kei-chan!"

Atobe held Jirou close and smiled. In that moment, he forgot about the list, the he forgot about where he was and why he was there. All he knew was that Jirou was with him and he was content.

-

Shishido browsed the internet that night and decided to go on eBay to see if it really was down (of course he doubted it but he was _that _bored).

"Server not found… please check the address for typing errors…"

"Damn you, Mukahi."

-

Atobe reached out to poke the non-descript object lying on his desk; Jirou was already fast asleep beside him when he noticed it. Atobe frowned as he recognized it:

_Fudge._

Atobe picked up the note lying beside it.

_Yuushi made me write a damned poem._

_Roses are Red  
Violets are Blue  
It's not poisoned  
Have some fudge_

_From: Mukahi Gakuto_

_P.S. You'd better eat it._

Atobe decided that it was best not to ask.

Oh and Oshitari?

He gave Atobe a condom.

* * *

_**A/N:**__Happy B-day Atobe-sama! KYA!!! –Fangirl scream- God, I really love the band DBSK right at this moment, their music is really good and the members are so cute!_

_**E/N: **__W.T.F……no seriously…I have to fix you spelling HEART?!?!?!? GAWDD!! Wth…your story is WEIRD. LAWLL AT MUKAHI'S POETRY SKILLS. Or lack of…but W/E! Anyways…Angie…pay attention…please…for my sake…_


End file.
